It's Like Sky Mall LIVE!

After our break down incident we find ourselves safely in Lusaka at around 5am (12 hours after leaving the border town). The sunlight is starting to break, people are waking up, and a big coach bus filled with out-of-towners is pulling into the bus station. The second the bus is spotted men beginning running. I wasn’t sitting in a window seat and was too tired to take in the whole site of it all but from the glimpses I saw and from June’s commentary of what was going on the running men were not trying to get on the bus. I thought it was like an airline situation where everyone gets in line and pushes each other and cuts in front of one another so that they can sit in their seat that much longer waiting for departure. Not the case here, these men were taxi drivers and bus station workers jockeying for position to get your business. No lies here bus stations are what I imagine people saw when they came up with the phrase “dog-eat-dog world” or “cut-throat” (not in the violent sense, don’t worry.) What I mean is the bus is pulling into the station, like still moving and completely capable of running over a human being and men are seeing June’s white face, pointing at it and saying “white person! Taxi!” and running with the bus next to the window trying to get and keep a hand on the window because they think it means they have their business. It was hilarious, June was dying and I was laughing too but not gonna lie I was kinda scared for my life for a second. It doesn’t help that as the bus is slowing down and coming to a stop at the bus company’s booth we look out the window and who’s face do we see smiling up at us? Brandon J June, Derek, and I now make the horrible mistake of opening our window pointing our fingers at our white man we thought we lost. This now gives the green light for all people outside the bus to now start yelling at us for a taxi or another bus company. We try to ignore them thinking that they will go away, not so much, we then start telling them we do not need a taxi, no thank you, we are not telling you where we are going, we are perfectly capable of finding it ourselves, thank you, please stop talking to me, get out of my face. Now remember, we are still ON THE BUS. Like the door isn’t even open yet.

Once the floodgates were open I got my expected airline experience with everyone in a rush to go nowhere. This situation however had the added experience of the taxi drivers practically stepping ONTO the bus just to ask you if you need a taxi. The people at the back of the bus are pushing to be the first people off, everyone has a bag up top or a baby on their backs, and the damn taxi drivers think that if they come to us while we are trying to step out of our seats I’ll just give them my business. They were pretty good about taking no for an answer but they only heard “No I do not need a taxi” if I was looking them in the eye. Lets just say it was a very overwhelming experience at 5am after a sleepless 12 hour bus ride.

It was actually a decent system that they have, aside from the hoard of taxi drivers at the beginning there are a bunch of people that wait outside the bus and ask you where you are going. When you tell them your destination they are quick with the times and prices and then begin to escort you to the company’s ticketing shack. We settle on the earliest bus we can get that is departing at 1030 (it was either that or 230) and decide to head over to one of the fanciest malls I have been in in Southern Africa to grab some breakfast. We cleaned ourselves up and then dined on a gourmet meal at the only place that was open. Okay it wasn’t really gourmet like you are thinking, it was actually a café that was part of a larger grocery store but like they had sushi and I had a salmon and cream cheese croissant with a mocha (which the mocha was a total life saver for what we were about to endure.) It was like a super treat, and very delicious.

We head back to the bus station and arrived at our bus at around 930. We found ourselves a whole row of seats intending to be as selfish as possible for as long as we could with the extra seat we saved to spread out with. The bus is filling up but as it gets closer to 1030 we think “yeah a whole extra seat to ourselves for the next 12 hours because this bus isn’t packed yet”. 1030 comes and goes and we casually think to ourselves “Well, maybe they are waiting for like a few more people.” The bus station was packed and we were giving the bus company the benefit of the doubt. (Side note: HORRIBLE IDEA)

As we sit there in our excited state of mind that we are traveling across southern freaking Africa we notice that there are numerous people walking on the bus with many items like a giant bag full of lunch size chips, walking up and down the aisles, hissing like snakes, and getting off the bus. I didn’t exactly grasp what was going on until a man shoved a handful of over gaudy watches in my face, I shook my head and then the man behind him shoved a bunch of perfume bottles in my face and goes “would you like?” These men were selling goods on busses to clueless travelers. It’s like having all the one-stop shops at an airport but now I don’t have to get my lazy ass out of my seat to get a pair of headphones, a bag of chips, and some boxer briefs. They come to me! Derek summed up all our thoughts by exclaiming, “It’s like Sky Mall LIVE!.” It totally was. There was even a few men selling weaves, in case I wanted a new hair-do while waiting for my extremely delayed bus.

Ice Cream? Yes please!

At this point we’ll say it is about 1230 and we’ve now been sitting on the bus for 3 hours. I begin hoarding frozen bottles of water because lord knows when the bus will actually start moving. I then began to realize that the amount of water on the seat next to me was going to turn into a super full bladder and a non-stop bus. So I stop buying but the people all realize that I purchased a bunch just to have and then try pushing more on me. I then try to have fun with them and say I will buy all their waters if they find me a mobile toilet to have on the bus. I don’t think they really understood because they just looked at me oddly and walked away. Fun over. I also asked a man selling watches if he had one that told the time the bus was leaving. I don’t think he understood that either.

All the while June is busy trying to figure out when in the world this bus will leave. Our irritation levels were increasing because it was now nearing closer to 2:30 in which another bus was scheduled to leave with a different company for actually a little bit cheaper of a price. The people with this Ronsil company continue to tell us that the bus is leaving in 15 minutes and we should get back on the bus so we can go. After telling us it is going to leave “now” about 3 times we’ve had it. We demand our money, oh you won’t give us the money, let us talk to the driver, oh the driver is no where to be found, let us talk to the manager of the company. The businesswoman in June handled most of this, but at around 130 I was beyond the point of sitting back and just needed to yell at someone. I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere, I was more so doing it to release the rage and frustration that had been building up inside of me before the bus begins its 12 hour journey. I get off the bus and start telling the young ticketing guy how its inexcusable to provide a service like this, and its disappointing that as a first time visitor to this country this is what I am experiencing so I wanted my money back or for the bus to leave now. I was trying to be calm but firm but when the man then continuously decided to ignore me, brush me off, and try to walk away from me as I was having a calm conversation with him I lost it. I don’t really remember what I said but I think there were too many big words. You know when you are really disappointed in a service and you threaten to talk to the manager and when that doesn’t work you ask to speak to corporate or the owner? Yeah well that doesn’t really exist here. The best I could come up with was threatening that I was going to give them a bad review online. I don’t think they even comprehended this concept because the response I got was from a random dude standing next to me, maybe he was friends with the bus wokers, maybe he worked with another bus, I don’t know but all he says is “Oh you know you are so beautiful.” My response was a snappy “Yeah well I’m a lot more beautiful when I smile!” I whip myself around and storm onto the bus. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere with those guys but it was good to release the rage because we were about to be in the bus ride from hell.